It’s easy in your mind to say that you are willing to take time and undertake these kinds of projects but what does it really take for you to do it? Of all the pages I have written in my Day One Journal I fear that not one has been completely and blatantly honest as I’d hope they would be. The truth of the matter is that at twenty two years old I am still figuring myself out and while I would like to say that it pisses me off that I don’t know who I am the truth of the matter is that it really doesn’t.
Lately, I’ve embraced the fact that I am bisexual and find both genders attractive. Perhaps not at the same time or to the same extend but the attraction is there nonetheless. What I have noticed recently though is the amount of kids that either go to my school or that I have met (maybe through grindr, don’t judge me) don’t know what they want. What they want in a relationship, what they look for or hope to find. They are nothing more than sexually frustrated, horny teenagers who only desire the brief and momentary release of the flesh.
Maybe I am an old soul living in a twenty-two years old body but I find myself looking for something more. Something that I’m afraid I won’t find here and that’s perhaps what scares me the most. I’ve come to realize that I don’t really care who I end up with and by that I mean whether it’s male or female. I have been in enough relationships and slept around (again don’t judge me) enough to realize that what I want out of life is a loyal person who will feel like their day has been worth it when they see after work. That they feel like all the bullshit at work didn’t matter. I guess at some point in your life you will realize just how much sex is overrated. It’s fun, fuck yes, it is but you can’t be happy with sex alone. Sex is the manifestation of everything you feel for that other person.
That’s perhaps what surprises me the most. I know that I am probably dealing with the extreme opposite of the spectrum now but I have yet to encounter the kind of guy or girl I want to truly be happy with. I can’t say I’m an expert at romance and relationships with girls because while I have had girlfriends before, all my past relationships eventually plateau. I know it’s a two way street. When it comes to guys, that’s a different story. It’s chaotic, in fact. All these guys I meet just talk about dicks and sex and prioritize demonstrating they’re gay like they have something to prove. By no means do I wish to portray any kind of hate towards the lgtb community for I myself consider myself to be part of it yet I feel like being bisexual is not the most interesting part of me and I disagree with people that don’t feel that way. Perhaps the blame should be placed on society for dividing the lines between sexual orientations so deeply in the sand that there is an “us vs. them” mentality.
Or maybe who I need to blame is my parents for forcing me to divide myself into portraying the “straight” while hiding the real me. I’ve slept with more guys than girls at this point (thank you Disney) and to be honest, I want to have a boyfriend but the image of me sharing my bed with another dude can’t cross my mind without thinking about my family back home and what their reaction could be.
I godfather my sister’s son and while I did it because that’s what they believe in and they wanted me to bear the title, I do not believe in religion at all. I believe in choosing honorable morals and firmly utilizing that adamant compass that never fails me to guide me home. I feel that many people use religion for this purpose and while religion does teach some good morals its own contradicting message does more harm than good, in my opinion. I live my life looking for adventure in the smallest of endeavors even if it means eating lasagna instead of a salad at lunch. I firmly believe that the beauty of art can be applied anywhere at anytime. The act of creation was never entitled to a supernatural being who endowed us with free will only to wipe it all out with a flood. Creating is an art form that all of us are capable of. I believe in learning for learning sake’s and using one’s intelligence as a gift for the betterment of mankind. I believe in the mutual love and respect for each other no matter the place you’re from and what you believe in. I have a problem when other people fail to act this way and push their ideologies on everyone else. I believe in the mutual bond of the human race and disagree with the repeating and mechanic systematic rape and destruction of our only home and livable planet. I disagree with the modern philosophy of “here and now” and the materialistic attitude that has led to the lost of virtues such as patience. I have high hopes for what the future holds for me personally but fear that this planet is too overburdened by the human race.
Daenerys “someone is going to die” Targaryen face
Powerful & creative imagery
the food and education made me sad.
I have always been fascinated by these ‘world of 100 people’ things, I remember spending hours thinking through the ones on a poster at church when I was 9 or so. It really, really makes some really important stuff so blindingly clear, in numbers we can understand. And it should, I hope it does, inspire us to act.
not being able jack off because you’d be touching a dick and that’s gay
this might be my favorite post on tumblr ever
THAT FUCKING FACE